id be glad to
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
