nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
