So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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