I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
