You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
