I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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