ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
