I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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