He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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