I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
