im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
