and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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