And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
