If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
