I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
