Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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