Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
