I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
