Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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