Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
