Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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