My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
