Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
