Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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