I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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