i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
