first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
