his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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