I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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