hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
