You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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