buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
