CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
