Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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