his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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