A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
