didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
