WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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