And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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