You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
