i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
