Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
