my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
