I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
