i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
