Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
