I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Help. Why am I so naked?
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