As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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