If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
