actually, I'm a sock model
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
