:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
