I want to have your abortion
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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